this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The dick lei will go down in squad history
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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