FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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