i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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