She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
