she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
