So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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