I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
