drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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