The maid of honor just puked.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
