There was a lot of him and a little penis
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bring me that man meat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
