I didn't shave. On purpose
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
