Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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