i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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