My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't turn off my feet"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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