She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My cat gives me a boner
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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