chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think people are normalizing furries
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
