either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also, beer. Big fan.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
