i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
