It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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