So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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