Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
