She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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