if only i could text you this smell
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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