i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we should paint friendship bongs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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