I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
