and you said cock pushups were impossible
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
