May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This is my gift to your gina
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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