I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
