I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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