New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And then he peed in my hair
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