Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
