what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
