I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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