You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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