He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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