2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
