Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
