I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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