Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bring me that man meat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
