Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
