omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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