You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
