imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
