Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you had me at cake vodka
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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