i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
