I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
