OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
