Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
