similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
