I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ketchup is God's man juice
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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