I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.