my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
