i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.