Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now