Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.