I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
