come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
