her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
