He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
