God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
