At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
