if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
